HAHHAH.

I dont know anything anymore.

I must be going crazy..

Yeah..that must be it.

I hear Voices..

Yeah..They haunt me..

Scare me in the middle of the night..

They whisper..

I cant really hear what they say..

But..

IT SCARES ME

Never Mind.

-----------------------------

IU

When you

talk to me

you make me happy

you give me hope

you make my day

you speak such lovely words

you are such a special person

iU

we understand

each other.

i feel we can become

one.

XxXLD

i dont know who i am anymore.

\

I feel so depressed and alone

my chest hurts

i cant cry

i cannot believe this is happening

i do not understand

..

why?

I Dont wanna Talk About It.

I

THINK

IM

IN

LOVE!

But i dont know what to do about it.

Im afraid..afraid that he doenst lik me..afraid that my heart will get broken.. etc.

Im just going to..let things be. See what happens.

Atleast he acts and talks to me like im really there..a real person..with feelings.

xXxLD

Can you still see the heart of me
all my agony fades away
when you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down
for all I need
make my heart a better place
give me something I can believe
Don't tear me down
you've opened the door now
don't let it close

I'm here on the edge again
I wish I could let it go
I know that I'm only one step away
From turning around

Can you still see the heart of me
all my agony fades away
when you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down
for all I need
make my heart a better place
give me something I can believe
Don't tear me down
what's left of me
make my heart a better place

I tried many times but nothing was real
make it fade away
don't break me down
I want to believe that this is for real
save me from my fear
don't tear  me down

don't tear me down
for all I need
make my heart a better place

Don't tear me down
for all I need
make my heart a better place
give me something I can believe
Don't tear me down
what's left of me
make my heart a better place
make my heart a better place

when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you

high up above or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you'll never try, you'll never know
just what you're worth
-------------------------------------------------------

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh, lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, coming up tales,
Heads only silence apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No-one ever said it would be this hard,
Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures,
Pulling your puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress,
And not speak as loud as my heart.


And tell me you love me,
come back and haunt me,
Oh and I rush to the start.
Running in circles, chasing tails,
coming back as we are.

NEver MInd.

xxLD

When the time comes
That you're no longer there
Fall down to my knees
Begin my nightmare

Words spill from my drunken mouth
I just can't keep 'em all in
I keep up with the racing rats
And do my best to win

Slow down little one
You can't keep running away
You mustn't go outside yet
It's not your time to play

Standing on the edge of your town
With the skyline in your eyes
Reaching up to God
The sun says it's goodbyes

If a plane were to fall from the sky
How big a hole would it leave
In the surface of the earth

Let's pretend we never met
Let's pretend we're on our own
We'll live different lives
Until our cover's blown

I push my hand up to the sky
Shade my eyes from the sun
As the dust settles around me
Suddenly nighttime has begun

If a plane were to fall from the sky
How big a hole would it leave
In the surface of the earth
The surface of the earth

Come on now
You knew you were lost
But you carried on
anyway
Oh come on now
You knew you had no time
But you let the day
Drift away                                      ( !!! )

If a plane were to fall from the sky
How big a hole would it leave ...
And if a plane were to fall from the sky
How big a hole would it make
In the surface of the earth
The surface of the earth
The surface of the earth

TO My Lovely  Half .I am so Happy To Protect Your Other Half. 

Together We Are One.

you Know.

Am i Doing The Right Thing?

 Egt..ik vind zn stem eigenluk niks..Maar Racing Rats is zO mooi!

Iemand met echt Talent..Heb ik nog Live Gezien in the Catskills!..is:

 Priscilla Ahn.

http://www.myspace.com/priscillaahn

XxXLD

This is what i wrote in my diary yesterday night

I think i am depressed.

my eyes are swollen and red..and the tears..are falling.

Nobody asks why.

I feel so .... alone.

I cant do this anymore.

I am going to try and kill myself.

i looked at it this morning..it was like somebody else wrote it.

i feel it though.

im getting close.

This is the story of my life..these are the lies i have created.

I let myself fall into a lie
I let my walls come down
I let myself smile and feel alive
I let my walls come down

No matter how hard I try I dont know why
You pushed so far away
You wrapped youre hand tight around my heart
insquisd in full of pain

with this knife
I'll cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
With this knife
I'll cut out the heart of me
tha heart that cares for you

I cant believe the way you took me down
I never saw the pain
Comming in a million broken miles
Like poison for my vains

with this knife
I'll cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
With this knife
I'll cut out the heart of me
the heart that cares for you

the hate and the fear
The nightmares that wake
Me up in tears
The nightmares and the hate and the fear
The nightmares that wake
Me up in tears
The nightmares and the hate and the fear
The nightmares that wake
Me up in tears
The nightmares and the hate...

--------------------------------------I like this one

XxXLD

i feel stupid saying this but.

i think i like you.

ok.i didnt say that.

just pretend you dont know ok?

well actually ..dont.

i . am. such. an . idiot.

Why would you leave me?

because you cant stand the truth

because you dont like the person

i have become

i dont understand

on the inside i am still the same

i dont think thats it though.

I miss you So

i think of our times

we had a special bond

death passed over

and you vanished out of my life

how could you just leave me

here

after all we have been through

we were the best of friends

my soulmate

you just left me here

hurting me

abandoning me

leaving me with so many

questions

i go crazy trying to figure them out

looking for awnsers

you left me with such a burdon

you were the only one who understood me

you were with me almost every day

i was there for you  and thats when you left me.

I am missing a piece of myself.

XxXLD

No title.

I move with the clouds

I can feel them

The wind pulls

I am somewhere else

White shades my

face

I am not a person.

My soul is somewhere

high

There is nothing inside

me

I am nothing.

I float above everything

I see the truth

I have a face

But my eyes are not there

All you see is white

You can run

But you cant hide

Tears fall

My face is expressionless

the sky has gone

black

I am pulled away

I am one with the blackness

I leave.

I faint.

----------

If travel is searching

and home is whats been found

im not stoping

-----------------------------

I want to..know you.

I want you to be my friend.

But i am afraid

I dont want to get hurt..

And i dont know if i can trust

I dont know what to do.

All i know is that..I really like you=)

--------------------------------------------------

BLah.

(made it myself)

( mn moeder vind um..te depressief om naar te kijkenxD)

Okay. I LOVE the sky.

..

Whatever.

I want somebody..

So bad

just to talk to me

understand me

I donno.

Im lost.

XxXLD

she's made of hair and bone and little teeth
and things I cannot speak
she comes on like a crippled plaything
spine is just a string
I wrapped our love in all this foil
silver-tight like spider legs
I never wanted it to ever spoil
but flies will always lay their eggs
Take your hatred out on me
make your victim my head
you never ever believed in me
I am your tourniquet
prosthetic synthesis with butterfly
sealed up with virgin stitch
if it hurts, just tell me
preserve the innocence
I never wanted it to end this way
but flies will lay their eggs

Real.

Such silent notes

They carry me along a path

Thoughts of sadness

I feel nothing inside

I havent for days now

Rain is falling.

The sky is grey/white

My scares are purple

I let the notes take me to

a diffrent place

Deep down i feel such sadness

I am lost in a world with no colour

I need sun

and colour

I need warmth and

Love

I need a place to call home

I am in a trance

I cant see the light

there must be something wrong with my

eyes

I am So highly sensitive

I can feel the world

everything around me

I know what i am missing.

Happiness

Its getting harder and harder to put

on my fake smile

I am cutting lines in my face

I am screaming in a silence

Its piercing.

nobody hears my cry

I scratch myself

I hit the walls that are closing me

in

So much feeling in such a small

and delicate

person

I wish somebody could just hold me

Make me stop cutting

make the bleeding stop

See the real me

Save me.

Ik weet t.. t is dom.maaar ik kreeg inspiratie van iemand!! en en en..Hier kwam ik dus op..k vind t nergens op slaan..maar ja.Satie was playing in the backround and making me think of things..i would rather not think of.. I dont know.

Never mind.

IK PRAAT ONZIN.

hahah:)

moet leren.DUits pw.

:(

XxXLD

Okay.

Im getting Really sick now..

Keelonsteking!!

Yay!

Anyway..de hele dag niks doen..Alleen thuis sitten..

In mn dagboek schrijven!!:D

HIj is bijna vol!!:O

Dus..daarna begin ik aan mn 12e dagboek!!:O

Holleee..

Ik schrijf gewoon teveel! ;)

K gaa maar weer..k heb t koud.

XxXLD

Someday i will find the strength to erase You..

Ik wordt Ziek.

:(

Nieuwe mensen in de klas.

Yay.

xxXLD

 k zou gaan zwemmen maar omdat ik zo moe ben..heb ik echt geen zin om te fietsen.Misschien wel als iemand mee ging..iik vroeg t heel lief aan mn susje maar se wou gvd niet.Eerst zeggen van wel en dan opeens niet.TOen wou ik vragen of L mee ging..maar se had TEVEEL HUISWERKENZEWASNOGMAARNETWAKKER.Ya right. THanks anyway. Im dead tired..wnt to bed at 1. Now i can sit here the whole day while my other friend is having fun swimming..

OH WELL WTF WHAT DOES IT MATTER.

I have to do my fucking homework anyway.

AND SLEEP and i dont care what my fucking mother says.I can sleep as long as i WANt.

I miss C.     I hpe he's thinking of me.      I hope he still Likes me.

I miss him so..He was my best friend..i could TALK to him. Now he's like..gone. I dont know whats going on.

I hate it here at home.

I wish i could just sleep forever.

Forget everything.

haha.

xxxxxxxLD

Will You stop Killing me

For the pain feels the same

And the bleeding is getting

worse

Will you stop killing me

Please.

Your job here is done

Now put away your gun

Will you stop killing me

I beg you.

For the wounds wont heal

But the pain stays real

Just stop killing me okay?

My soul has so many holes

I am barely the person

i used to be

All my spirit went to

flee

I will kill whats left of

me

So You can stop,Finally stop Killing Me.

VInd je um mooi? Ik heb um zelf geschreven.

xxLD

They slit our throats
Like we were flowers
And our milk has been devoured
When you want it
It goes away too fast
Times you hate it
It always seems to last
Just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside you fucking heart is me

(thought, not spoken): I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another
day

I wish I could sleep
But I can't lay on my back
Because ther's a knife
For everyday that I've known you

When you want it
it goes away yoo fast
Times you hate it
It always seems to last
Just remember when you think you're free
The crack inside your fucking heart is me

(thought, not spoken): I wanna outrace the speed of pain for another
day

Lie to me, cry to me, give to me
I would
Lie with me, die with me, give to me
I would
Keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair
I hope that we die holding hands for always

I dont even have to say anything..it's all in the beautiful Song.

Now You Know What Im Thinking,How I Feel.

okay

DReaming of Suicide

What to do

Do i really want to leave this life?

am i really that hopeless?

Am i really that scared?

..am i really at the end of my..TETHER?

haha.

omg.I really dont know what to do..

SOmetimes i could just throw myself off the staircase or.. slit my wrists.. or..take something i shouldnt..at the moment that feeling is gone

but it will come back